i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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