We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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