I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
