I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
