She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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