So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
