bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They took my balls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
