things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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