you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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