when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
