: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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