Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
