if i can run in heels then i can drive
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
