the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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