If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
