I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
