AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
