Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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