Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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