that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
