Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
