Responsibility does not care about your dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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