It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
