who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
