Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
