I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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