Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
