just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
