This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize