i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
