what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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