I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
