My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i love accidental penises.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I supernannyed him into submission
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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