My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i love accidental penises.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I supernannyed him into submission
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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