Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
