cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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