Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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