And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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