Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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