booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
