ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
