The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
