Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
