don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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