New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
