Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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