Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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