What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Randomize