On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
