dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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