Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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