My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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