so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
