I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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