I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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