do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
