Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
