my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
its not stalking. its research.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
