So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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