I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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