so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
