Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
