You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
