he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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