I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
