Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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