thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
