We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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